I am football fan – That fateful day.
With my arm raised, fingers toward the heavens, palm opened wide yes, yes, and yes count me in; accept me in to your exclusive club, as football fan blindly I will be guided, my influences stopped in their very tracks, as I mentally sign up for my very own emotional rollercoaster. Football will forever now abuse & use me, torment me, but ultimately change me.
Being football fan is at times an arduous task, done correctly all socially acceptable rules will be torn up and thrown upon the footballing furnace, never to be viewed again, this is not a job for shrinking violets, preparation for the dismantling of your soul must ensue, all previous reasoning that may have presided over your moral & decent choices shall be eroded, mainly for 90 minutes, however, if you choose the higher level of football fan, this will consume for a lifetime, embedded, screwed, it will bury you.
Sentiment will be replaced with distrust, distrust will be replaced with disgust – hatred will fill your very being, those that were once family & the many assumed friends, very soon will be foes, the only love left will be the love of hatred. Belligerence will become a by-product of becoming football fan, as arrogantly you will strut your stuff at every opportunity that football presents itself, and then some.
Very soon perpetual motion will dictate you will forever feel aggrieved, anger, fury & rage will become defence mechanisms where once sensible perspective was the order of the day, defiance shall rule. I will find my opponent’s weakness and with a flash of my sword of truth I shall expose him & his foolish ways. For I am football fan & ultimately I have reason on my side.
It will distrust all reasonable argument, instead I shall antagonise him & his sort for the shower of bastards that they clearly are, they have achieved less, and as such their knowledge is inferior, I will constantly shove this down their horrid throats, as football fan I will have not a grain of compunction as they choke.
The true football fan must find new lows and disgust to thrust upon its lesser opponent, tell them how obese they are, how even though you have not had the displeasure to meet such fools you may assume they stink, they steal from dustbins & are fascists, racists, chavs, Jews, paedophile’s, murderers, divers, how they bribe referees, they are Scottish, Irish, Spanish waiters, pussies, bandwagon hoppers, money grabbing, black, white, whores. And this will only be fellow football fans; I will find a different approach for my enemies.
All this before you start on their parents or children, fuck them they mean nothing to football fan. I am my clubs most important and influential asset my opinion must take precedent – Inside I am football fan & as such I am significant, I am a high-ranking officer within my club, I cannot listen to reason & will resist being dictated to.
My self importance will only confirm that truly “I AM FOOTBALL FAN”
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